In the morning, i came with a high hope and high spirit with the mind set "i can do it" plus with confident that i can get A in this subject.Dengan bawa harapan parents especially my dad who is menaruh harapan yang tinggi on me. The teachers who expect me to get A.
But, when i opened the papers,i felt so down.The new format of the papers was tough for me.Really tough.Really really tough.at the moment my dad's face appeared in my mind. i said "i need to pass it". then i answered it whenever its right or wrong.Whenever there are lots off kbat's question, i did answered it.
then there was a gap between paper 1 and paper 2 question. so when i went out of the hall , i decided to study betul betul for the next paper.Aku nak score dekat paper 2.Aku nak dapat A.untuk ayah aku.untuk mak aku.untuk cikgu.
But i just want to cry bila aku bukak kertas soalan for paper 2. I question myself,"how can i score this papers?! kbat everywhere1" i was mad.Aku tak tahu nak jawab soalan 1. Aku lupa padahal baru belajar berapa jam yang lepas.Aku tengok soalan 2, aku blur. Aku cuma tahu certain questions and takbawak banyak markah pun.And can you imagine aku tiba tiba blank and jadi buntu sangat sangat.aku nak selesaikan satu soalan kbat was toooo hard.Aku tertekan.Aku tengok orang sekeliling aku,diorang boleh jawab.Aku rasa aku jawab was more worse than the trials paper.and the questions that i spot to get high marks, were came out as a kbat questions.Aku sangat sangat tertekan.Aku jawab soalan circles pun dah ambik masa berminit-minit.but i still dont get a final answer.Soalan indices pun was too hard.its too different with the trials questions.Situasi ni sama bila aku jawab math paper for PT3. And yes i cried.
Bila aku sedar most of the questions aku hanya buat separuh and did not have the final answer,then i realise that its imposibble for me to get A.
My eyes was watery for the last 15 minutes. Whenever its going to the end , i still trying to answer but Aku blank.
My eyes was red when i went out of the hall.I kept saying sorry in my heart to my dad whenever his face appeared in my mind.i said "Abah,sy mintak maaf sangat.sy sudah buat yang terbaik untuk paper ni.sy mintak maaf sebab tak mampu nak berikan A untuk Addmath kpd Abah.sy tahu Abah berharap sangat yang saya akan dapat A.tapi,sy tak mampu,bah." and thats why i cried.
and my teacher "im so sorry teacher.im so sorry." and thats why i cried.
its rainy in evening but i did not care. aku redah jugak because my heart was too hurt till i cant fell the rain.
I already knew my friends were doing great in addmaths. They even said the question was not so hard than the paper 1. But for me, aku dah musnahkan harapan ayah aku.Itu yang membuatkan aku menangis.
i really hope gred turun.
Its too hurt till im not in mood to revise other subject.i need calmness.
Tapi, Ini mungkin yang terbaik untuk aku.Mungkin bukan rezeki aku di sini.Aku percaya kuasa Allah. Dia Maha Kuasa.
